How to get the most out of a therapy or counselling session
Seeing a counsellor for the first time can feel scary and revealing, making us feel vulnerable and exposed. It is part of your therapist’s job to help you to cope with these powerful feelings and to help put you at ease. Getting the most out of therapy or counselling sessions involves being honest, open, and active in the process. Here are some practical tips to help you make your sessions more effective.
It sounds really obvious, but think about what has brought you to therapy. It may be that you've been carrying something all of your life and want to speak to a neutral person about this. Alternatively, it may be specific incidents that have happened more recently that have destabilised you and affected your ability to cope. Think about what you want to achieve from therapy. Is it to manage anxiety, improve relationships, heal from trauma, or something else?
It might be worth asking yourself some simple questions: what's been bothering you? What's going well in your life, and perhaps not so well? How are your relationships with others and how do you navigate the world? How do you perceive yourself and what do you believe other people think of you?
When you first meet a counsellor, don't expect to rush straight into the heart of the matter. A great deal about good therapy involves building a relationship with your therapist so that you feel safe enough to expose your inner thoughts and feelings. All counsellors are aware that you are exposing these feelings to a veritable stranger, and this takes an enormous amount of courage, trust and faith in your therapist.
When you reach a point where you feel comfortable with your counsellor, begin to say what you really feel, even if it's uncomfortable. Therapy is a judgment-free space, and honesty is crucial for change. Be prepared to talk about the therapy Itself. If something isn’t working or doesn’t feel right, bring it up and try to be as honest as you possibly can. Discussing the relationship with your therapist can actually deepen the work. Believe me when I say that you will not shock your therapist by being honest about the work that you and they are doing.
Be curious, not just compliant. Don’t just nod and agree. Ask questions. Challenge ideas. Explore why things are the way they are. Not everybody is brought up in the same way, and what you find normal may not be the same for everyone. By being honest with your therapist, and being willing to hear their honesty, we can challenge the cultural norms that we grew up with. Although this can feel destabilising, it can also be wonderfully enlightening to view the world through a different lens. Stay present and try not to just "report" events. Instead, explore how they affect you emotionally and what they mean to you.
A great deal of therapeutic work happens outside of the session itself. After the session, try to reflect and process: Take time after each session to think about what came up. What surprised you? What did you learn? How are you feeling now? Therapy works best when you take insights and actively try new behaviours or perspectives in your daily life. Every few weeks, it might help to revisit your goals. Are things shifting? What’s still hard?
Above all, be patient and try to be gentle with yourself – counselling is a process, not a quick fix. It can be very unsettling so be prepared for the work to take time and effort. Trust the discomfort and talk to your counsellor about it – growth often comes from leaning into what feels hard or unfamiliar. Finally, treat sessions with the importance you would for any other health appointment. This is about your development and growth as a human being and you deserve to treat yourself with compassion and care.